


you're in my arms but you've gone somewhere deeper

by LSFOREVER



Series: Date Number One Through Forever [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Coming In Pants, Developing Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Frottage, Grinding, IK YAY, Insecure Harry, M/M, Shy Harry, Social Anxiety, if that's triggering then there's your warning, past relationship problems mentioned, past verbal child abuse mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-26 02:58:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2635475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LSFOREVER/pseuds/LSFOREVER
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Third date, right, and going perfect so far. Except that it's winter and they get snowed in so of course Louis stays the night. Nothing turns out the way Harry had imagined, but he can't complain because this is <em>much<em> better.</em></em></p>
            </blockquote>





	you're in my arms but you've gone somewhere deeper

**Author's Note:**

> Third date in my H+L Date series YAYAYA! Okay, so you _should_ read the first two before reading this, but you don't have too. It will make more sense, though, SO. First is [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2477078), second [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2635001). (How I got this to be 8k words exactly is unknown *shrug*) Title taken from **Oblivion** by **Bastille**.
> 
> Aaya is my lovely beta, and even though she didn't beta this one, I'm still mentioning her because she's wonderful and has helped so much with ideas and titles and all that wonderfulness. ([Tumblr](http://unwrittenheart.tumblr.com/)) Any and all mistakes are my own, not her's!  
> Bonnie is my brilliant cousin/sister/bff and I'm always going to mention her in everything I do! ([ao3](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIfInLife), [Tumblr](http://larryismyotpuniverse.tumblr.com/))
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS!!** : Harry has anxiety/social anxiety and though I didn't mention them by name in the first two, it was implied. Also, he talks about his past boyfriends who weren't the best towards him, as well as his birth father who wasn't the very best either, so if any of that might be triggering then you might want to see yourself out. Just a fair warning. :)
> 
> Enjoy!! - K Xx

 

An hour before Louis is supposed to show up, Harry is just finishing cutting up the carrots for the kabobs he’s going to grill. The carrots, potatoes, and onions are done, and now all Harry has to do is cut up the red and green bell peppers, as well as the steak, then he can start on the marinade.

After plenty of prying from Perrie, Harry found out that Louis loves kabobs. When Perrie and Louis had gone out to lunch that first time, Louis had ordered the kabobs and would not stop saying how wonderful they tasted.

Harry can only hope his will be good too.

“They will,” Zayn insists after setting down the bowl Harry had asked him to get. “Even Perrie’s mum has said your kabobs are delicious and she’s one of the best cooks known to man.”

“One of them…”

“The other is you, of course.”

He knows he’s a great cook since he’s been doing it his whole life. But at the same time he’s really worried Louis won’t like his combination of Greek seasoned marinade with steak and peppers. “And you’re sure he’ll be okay with apple crumble for desert? I should’ve made that homemade too.”

“Harry.” Zayn takes him by the shoulders and turns him so they’re facing each other. He’s got a serious look on his face, and Harry sighs, setting down the knife he’d been cutting the peppers with. “Stop worrying so much, alright? He likes you so much and I know he won’t care whether or not the apple crumble is homemade. Plus, it’s from the bakery downtown and it’s the best kind out there.”

Harry drops his gaze to the floor before resting his cheek on Zayn’s shoulder. “I know,” he lets out a strangled breath, before lowering his voice so if Perrie is listening from the hallway she won’t hear. “I just… I really like him and… I don’t want him running off like the others did.”

“Babe,” Zayn sighs, pulling Harry close and holding him tight. Only Zayn knows the real reason why Harry’s last boyfriend left, as well as his first one from school. The only two people he’s ever dated, and they both left him for the same reason.

Harry never wanted to tell Perrie – it was hard enough telling her that they broke up in the first place – and if she ever found out she’d probably kill them. Or bruise them up pretty bad.

Zayn knows, though, Harry knew Zayn wouldn’t get super overly pissed off and try to hurt those guys back. He knew – still knows – that Zayn would be upset with them but that Harry still cared for them and wouldn’t ever want them to hurt.

Zayn also knows that Harry is worried Louis will give up on him like the other two did. What Harry doesn’t recognize is that Louis would never give up on him. Louis would never feel like Harry is holding him back, that Harry is too clingy and messed up in the head; he likes Harry too much for that, and Zayn knows from the countless times Louis has called him and Perrie to ask about Harry and to gush about him.

“He won’t, okay? You making him a delicious dinner will only make him like you that much more, alright? Trust me on this.” Harry is squeezed tight once more, then Zayn is stepping away, his hands still on Harry’s shoulders. “You’ve got to stop doubting everybody. Me and Perrie aren't the only ones who love you, and you know this.”

“Louis doesn’t love me.” Harry refuses to believe it, shakes his head. He turns back to the peppers and tries to pretend he didn’t hear Zayn’s sad sigh.

Zayn says, “I never said he did, Harry. All I meant is that your family and Pez and I aren’t the only ones capable of loving you, so please don’t worry too much?”

“Zayn, we’d better leave soon,” Perrie walks into the kitchen looking beautiful in her sweater dress and boots. She pauses upon looking at the boys, and frowns a little. “You sure you’ll be okay?” The question is pointed towards Harry.

Taking a deep breath, Harry nods and smiles. “Yeah,” he answers. Louis’ eyes run through his mind and his smile is a little less forced. “Yeah, I will be. Just a bit anxious… like always.”

“Oh, Haz,” Perrie nearly runs across the kitchen and pulls him into a hug. This close Harry can see that the color of her eye shadow matches Zayn’s jumper. They’re too lovely sometimes.

“Have fun, yeah?” he says, then pulls away. “Both of you.”

“You too,” Zayn says back, pinching Harry’s cheek. Harry bats his hand away and abandons the half-cut peppers for walking them to the door.

Harry pokes Perrie’s tummy before she and Zayn walk down the hall, and tells her, “Give your mum a hug for me.” She salutes and a moment later, Zayn is leading the way to the elevator.

Sometimes their date night consists of wonderful family dinners at Perrie’s house, and most of the time Harry is with them. Tonight, though, he’s decided to stay in and cook a meal for Louis instead. Maybe after they can watch a movie, if Louis decides to stay longer.

The kabobs are finished grilling around fifteen minutes before Louis is scheduled to show up, so Harry covers them with foil and runs to his bedroom. Tonight he’s decided on casual, going with an old pair of dark red sweats he stole from Perrie that scrunch up about half way down his thighs and a plain t-shirt. It’s still hot as fuck in the flat, and even just wearing sweats is making Harry very warm.

He makes sure in the mirror that there aren’t any stains he’d missed earlier on his clothes, shakes his hair out then sweeps it back, and deems himself ready enough. He’d brushed his teeth before starting on dinner, and now he sprays on some of his expensive cologne before hearing the doorbell ring.

Louis didn’t wait until answering right on the dot like last time. Harry smiles to himself and is quick to answer the door, only to find Louis smiling wide on the other side. “Harry,” he greets, and Harry smiles.

Louis stopped by a few days ago to drop off some extra fairy cakes he’d picked up. Perrie and Zayn were both home and they all stood and chatted for a bit around the kitchen island, before Louis was being called back home to watch some game with Niall. It had been very nice, though brief, and Harry couldn’t get Perrie off his back all evening after because he’d apparently smiled at Louis so much.

Now it’s just the two of them, and Harry doesn’t even have time to ask Louis to take his shoes off before Louis is hugging him.

“Did they already leave?” asks Louis, tugging one of Harry’s curls after he pulls away.

“Yeah,” Harry answers, hesitates. “Zayn set the table… but we can sit on the couch if you’d rather there.”

Louis shrugs. The brightness of his eyes is a bit dizzying and Harry pinches his thigh to pull it together. Every time he sees Louis in person, Louis’ always got the biggest smile and brightest eyes, and he’s just so beautiful. Harry doesn’t know how he handles it, or how it’s possible that he thinks Louis is even more beautiful each time he’s around the man.

Squirming, Harry becomes a little uncomfortable just standing in the foyer with Louis, so he locks the door and offers to take his coat. He drapes it over the arm of the couch and when he comes back, Louis is shoeless and standing over the foil-covered plate on the island, smelling.

“This smells amazing,” he compliments when he catches Harry’s gaze, and Harry feels himself blush as he makes his way over to peel back the foil.  Steam rises and the smell of grilled steak and veggies fill his nose, Louis’ audible gasp making him smile as he pulls the apple crumble out of the oven. “… Perrie said you liked them, so.”

“Did you make these yourself?” Louis asks.

“Yeah,” Harry takes two plates and glasses out of the cupboard and he almost chokes when he turns back around. Fuck, how had he not notices before? Louis is really trying to kill him, isn’t he? Bent over like that to smell the kabobs, arse on perfect display in those jeans… jeggings? Harry wouldn’t know without feeling the material – which he won’t – but Louis has the most perfect legs and bum and Harry feels stupid for just now noticing.

When Louis turns around, Harry is quick to recover, setting the dishes down and averting his eyes. That was close.

“You’re so cute, you know that? Especially when you blush.” Harry blushes harder at this and tries to hide it by pressing his palms to his cheeks. Louis chuckles and pokes Harry’s hand, says, “Exactly… Now can we eat? I’m starving and dying to try this.”

“Yeah, of course.”

A few minutes later, Harry and Louis are sat on the couch facing each other, plates in their laps and glasses on the table. Harry’s willing to make a dent in his savings to replace Perrie’s favorite bottle of wine. He says as much when Louis asks.

“That doesn’t answer how much this was. You could have twenty in your savings for all I know.”

“Louis,” Harry chuckles. He had ripped the label off the wine bottle before Louis could get a glance. He may not be paying for the actual dinner itself, but he has to pay for something. A 140£ bottle of wine should count. “Why does it matter?”

“Because I can’t have you spending fifty quid worth of wine just for me.”

He’s off, but Harry doesn’t jump to the chance to correct him, knowing would only make things worse. After taking a few slow bites, Harry knows what he’s going to say next, and he can’t help the small frown that accompanies it. “I could say the same to you and Niall.”

It takes a second, but the moment Louis realizes what Harry’s on about his eyes go wide and his jaw drops a little.

Harry cuts in before he can say anything. “That’s exactly how I feel. I don’t like it when people spend money on me. – ”

“You deserve every single pound me or Niall has ever spent on you times a million,” Louis says with a frown, his hand coming across to squeeze Harry’s knee.

Harry tries to not jerk his knee away. That is so far from the truth, he almost blurts it out loud before he sees how serious Louis’ eyes are, and the thought of wanting to sink deep into the couch and never coming out crosses Harry’s mind several times.

“It makes me feel dependant on other people,” he says quietly to his plate, suddenly not feeling hungry anymore. With half a kabob and two apple slices left, Harry would say it’s alright to set his plate down and be done. He continues, Louis squeezing his knee again, “And I hate feeling like I have to depend on other people.”

Louis sets his plate down too and scoots closer, lifting Harry’s face with both of his hands. Harry is hesitant, because of course he is. He’s being kind of pathetic right now and he knows it, and he really hates how obvious it is, how Louis must be having seconds thoughts on this date.

To his surprise, Louis presses a light kiss to his lips and smiles a small, apologetic smile. He changes his voice to mimic a Chicagoan accent. “You are a strong, independent black woman.”

Harry laughs, throws his hand over his mouth to try and bite it back. Louis laughs too, and Harry isn’t so... he’s in a better mood now. “Yeah,” he chuckles a little. “That.”

The glass is shoved into his hand then Louis is clinking their glasses together and taking a large gulp. Harry watches with a smile as Louis grimaces and quickly sets his back on the table. “It’s good,” he gulps. “But not good enough to finish all in one drink… I’m sorry I upset you.”

Who is Harry to not forgive Louis? With his eyes pleading and lovely lips quirked up, the only thing Harry can do is try not to blush while leaning forward to kiss Louis. Yes, his brain is running a thousand miles a minute, yelling at him to stop, to not kiss Louis, to just forgive him with words and smiles. But Harry’s heart is beating so wildly in his chest when their lips connect that he can’t bring himself to regret it.

Especially when Louis’ hand travels up to wrap around the back of Harry’s neck and he presses back, deepening the kiss just that much more. Harry’s stomach swoops and he’s glad he just ate; he would’ve been a bit nauseous if his stomach was empty, what with how Louis is making him feel right now.

They’re brought out of it a few long moments later when Harry’s phone buzzes in his pocket, making him jump and Louis chuckle. Louis stays close, arm over Harry’s shoulder and hand around Harry’s ankle in his lap, while Harry fumbles to answer.

“Hello?”

“Haz?” Perrie’s voice comes through the line and Harry internally groans. Just as he was about to let open his lips a little. “How’s everything going? Louis hasn’t kidnapped you, has he?”

Looking at Louis, Harry sees his smirk and realizes Louis can hear Perrie too. He puts her on speaker and says as much. “Hey, Lou. Don’t do anything stupid, yeah?”

“Perrie,” Harry groans, covering his face. Louis takes hold of his wrist and pulls his hand away, planting a big kiss on his cheek.

“Never,” he whispers just quiet enough for the phone to not pick it up.

“… You’d better not be making out right now,” she says in a warning voice. Harry squeaks and giggles, pushing Louis’ face away when Louis tries to kiss him again. “I swear – ”

“Why’d you call?” Harry cuts her off, refusing to look at Louis. Louis brings his face close, his breath fanning out over Harry’s neck, and Harry’s stomach flutters. Wow, okay. That’s an absolutely wonderful feeling and Harry is surprised to find himself perfectly okay with it, no hesitation present at all.

A bit of mumbling trickles out of the speaker of his phone then Zayn is saying, “She’s just being her usual worried self. Seriously, though. You’d better be decent when we get back.”

“Can’t promise a thing.”

Harry grumbles, nudging Louis’ shoulder and saying, “Yes, we will be decent before you get back, just like we are right now.” He only hopes that’s entirely true.

“Right, well. We don’t plan on leaving for another hour, maybe two, so that should give more than enough time to clean everything up.”

“Zayn!” Harry squeaks, and he flat-out refuses to look at Louis now, eyes trained on the table. The constant feeling of Louis this close to his neck, warm breath making him shudder every now and again, along with Zayn and Perrie’s accusations filling his mind with images has him half hard.

He really hopes it’s not noticeable in these sweatpants. He’s even wearing normal underwear tonight, some stretchy grey ones that he and Zayn have stolen from each other so much it’s impossible to remember who they originally belonged too. They’re thicker than his knickers, so hopefully they conceal everything.

“What?!” Zayn says back in the same tone, then both he and Perrie chuckle after. Louis’ huffing out quiet, hot breaths, closer to his neck than before, and Harry really has no explanation for the way his head leans back except for that he really wouldn’t mind if Louis closed the distance.

The call ends sooner rather than later; Harry is still trying to figure out whether he’s happy about that or not, because the moment the line goes dead, Louis’ lips are brushing over his neck.

Harry tries not to seem too effected by it, biting back his gasp and squeezing the couch cushion so he doesn’t pull Louis closer. Desperate or clingy are some of the things he’s been called before, and he really doesn’t want Louis to think them about him.

Louis kisses along up to Harry’s ear, thumbs pressing to the insides of his thighs right above his knees, and whispers, “You’re really beautiful, you know that?”

Shuddering, Harry finally brings his hands up to Louis’ shoulders and pushes him back just enough to look at him. Okay. Now he’s a bit nervous. Kissing is fine, kissing is more than fine, but Harry’s not entirely ready to start anything… sexual.

“Just thought you should know.” Louis snaps out of it, his eyes washing over with fond instead of arousal. He kisses once more before Harry watches him sit back against the couch like he’d been before they start kissing.

“Um… Thanks,” Harry mumbles, biting his swollen lip and looking down at his lap. _Wrong move_ , Harry scolds himself. His semi totally is noticeable in these stupid sweats, and looking down must’ve made Louis look too because he giggles – he actually giggles – and looks away quickly.

Quick to cover himself up, Harry bites his lip. “Sorry,” he whispers.

No. No no no. He’d been good on their first date, their second date too, so he has to be good on the third. No matter how much he wishes Louis would push Harry back and wrap his hand around him.

Plus, it’s been so long since he’s been with another person in a sexual way, let alone naked with another person sexually. Two years, almost. Harry probably doesn’t remember half of what to do in a situation like that; he wouldn’t want to disappoint Louis.

“Hey, it’s alright.” Louis brings Harry’s eyes back up with a finger under his chin, and his eyes stay locked with Harry’s the whole time he speaks. “Don’t be embarrassed. It happens, yeah? To everybody… _including me_.”

It takes a second, but Harry feels his own eyes go wide when he gets what Louis is trying to get across, and when he looks, Louis jeans do nothing to hide his arousal. Harry bursts into flames, his whole body hot all over, and his cock gives its own feeble twitch.

This is not helping, not at all.

Harry is getting closer and closer to the point of not giving a fuck and begging Louis to get him off, but he can’t. Yeah, they’ve known each other for two… maybe three months and have always got along, and this ‘dating’ thing that’s been going on has been the most fun Harry has had in the longest time. But that doesn’t mean he can let Louis in his pants on just the third date.

With his last relationship, it had taken him three months to let the guy kiss him, six with his first boyfriend in high school.

Now, though, Harry can’t decide. He wants to kiss Louis, always, and he wants to let Louis make him feel good. But at the same time he’s worried he’ll regret it in the morning or that things will get weird after or that Louis will not like how he is in bed and will decide to start seeing someone else.

It’s a possibility, one that Harry isn’t so sure he wants to find out is true.

But. Louis looks sooo good, and he smells good, and he’s always been so wonderful towards Harry that the sight of Louis liking this too has him surging forward – after quite a few long moments of silently debating – and he kisses Louis. Louis kisses back right away, the hand he has on Harry’s knee coming up to tangle in Harry’s hair.

When he tugs just a little, it’s enough to have Harry shuddering, mouth slipping open and tongue poking out. Louis smiles against Harry’s lips and has Harry gasping when he pokes his tongue out too.

Fucking bloody hell, Harry has to push him away before it gets to be too much. Louis’ eyes are still closed, lips quirked up into a smile, when Harry pulls away. His lips are swollen and red, and Harry touches his own to find they’re in the same state.

“Liam and I’s meeting with Simon went spectacularly,” he says in lieu of commenting on their kiss or anything of the sort.

It’s random and Louis’ voice is breathy, and Harry can’t help but smile too. “Really?” And shit, he sounds just a bad, if not worse. He can only imagine what he’d sound like if he hadn’t stopped Louis. “That’s great. Did they sign you?”

Louis laughs. “We only had a meeting with them, and Liam sang a little in one of their fancy recording booths. It’s going to take a lot more than one meeting to convince them to sign us.”

“Well they should. Liam is amazing.”

Obviously faking it, Louis clutches his chest over his heart and leans back, scandalized look on his face and amusement in his eyes. “And I’m not?!” he scoffs.

Harry giggles, shoving Louis’ shoulder. “Stop it, you know what I meant.”

Okay. So they’ve successfully came back from almost shagging to playful bantering, and Harry is sort of relieved.

Sort of.

“I know, I do,” Louis says eventually, coming back to settle in front of Harry like before. It’s amazing how far Harry’s come. On their first evening out, Harry’d been nervous just keeping eye contact with Louis, and tonight he’s gotten close to almost letting Louis get him off. “Think I want a bit more to drink.”

Harry is quick to pour them both a little more of the white wine, all sparkly and bubbly. He doesn’t take a sip until Louis does, and then his phone is buzzing again, now on the table.

“Y’ello?” Louis is quick to answer it. Harry tries to grab for it, but Louis holds his wrist tight, and he shrinks back against the couch. So much for hoping his cock would go down; Louis’ thumb pressing to the inside of his wrist shoots electricity up is arm, and down to his groin.

“Really?” When Louis sits up straighter and grabs for the remote, Harry is glad but also missing the pressure on his wrist. But he’s also curious and watches as Louis flips to the weather channel.

The radar shows the whole town and neighboring towns covered in dark purple. Purple means snow.

Jumping up, Harry walks over to the large window on the other wall of the living room and pulls back the curtain, and sure enough, there’s a thick blanket of snow covering every surface. The sky is dark and Harry can barely make out the building across from his own, that’s how thick the snow is.

“That was Zayn,” Louis startles him, a warm hand on the small of Harry’s back. Harry bites the inside of his cheek and glances over at the blue-eyed boy, to see that he’s watching the snow outside too. “They said they can’t leave Perrie’s mum’s place. The garage is snowed in.”

“Does that mean – ”

Harry’s phone rings again, which is still in Louis’ hand, and they both look at the screen. Harry recognizes the name to be the usual doorman downstairs. He answers, “Hi, Jim.”

“Harry? Hi, I tried Zayn’s but he didn’t answer. I just wanted to let you guys know to not leave anywhere. I can’t even get my Jeep out on the road, there’s so much snow.”

“Right, yeah. Of course.” Harry thinks he sees what is Louis’ little Skylark parked out front, though it blends in with the snow so well. There isn’t a tire track in sight on the road. “Zayn and Perrie are out at her mum’s. ‘S just me and… a friend.”

Louis’ arm comes around his waist, pulling Harry to rest against his side, and Harry tries his best to not melt into the contact too much.

After Jim explains that he hopes they have enough food to last for at least a day, and that yes, he has his own place to stay here in the building, Harry hangs up and turns to look at Louis, worrying his bottom lip. “That was Jim… the doorman that’s always downstairs. Well, he’s the manager of the building too. Um, he said he couldn’t even get his big Jeep out through the snow…”

This means Louis’ going to have to stay here for the night, maybe two if the roads aren’t clear by the end of tomorrow. It’s been so long since it’s snowed like this, and Harry really wants to go out for a walk in it, but maybe tomorrow. It’s quite dark right now.

Louis sounds cautious when he asks, “… Do you want me to stay on the couch, then? I understand if you’re a bit uncomfortable with me staying,” and Harry is ever so thankful Louis would offer that instead of just assuming.

But at the same time, he does want to share with Louis. As long as Louis doesn’t try anything on him, Harry is more than okay with sharing his bed with Louis for the night. He sleeps more soundly when it’s with another person, even if that other person is Perrie or Zayn more times than not.

“No,” Harry is quick to insist, reaching out to touch Louis’ waist. Perfect waist, perfect hips. Fuck. “I won’t make you sleep on the couch. I don’t mind sharing… if that’s alright with you.”

Is this really happening? Harry kind of wants to sneak into the hallway and call Zayn and ask if it’s alright with him. He doesn’t know why, but Harry feels like that would be the right thing to do, and he also feels like Zayn should know about this. Zayn needs to know about everything.

Maybe after Louis’ fallen asleep.

“Of course it is. Warmer if we cuddle anyways. You’ve got some extra night pants, right? Or maybe Zayn does. I can’t sleep in jeggings,” Louis voices, taking Harry’s hand and bringing Harry out of his mind.

He leads the way, and once in his bedroom he quickly grabs a clean pair of night pants from his drawer. This is the first time Louis has seem his room, Harry realizes while pulling on some socks. He hesitates when his hand settles on the drawstring of the sweats.

He can hear Louis behind him changing, but he refuses to turn back around until Louis says, “I’m decent, Harry.”

Louis looks small in the red flannel pants. They’re so long they bunch around his toes, and Harry finds it the cutest thing ever. He smiles to himself and goes to pull back the covers on his bed.

Every night when he sleeps, the most he wears is boxers, maybe even a t-shirt when it’s super cold.

Tonight won’t be cold, though, especially not with Louis in the bed with him. “Um,” starts Harry as he turns back around to find Louis is already right behind him and looking up with bright eyes. How is he going to ask this without Louis thinking he’s weird or something. “… I don’t normally… er, wear… e-everything when I sleep. J-just boxers, or whatever.”

Chuckling, Louis squeezes Harry’s elbow and falls back on the bed. Harry watches him scoot up the bed, and he tries not to stare at Louis’ strong arms and dainty ankles as he pulls the blankets up around his shoulders. “That’s alright,” Louis finally answers, and rolls over so he’s facing away. “I don’t mind and I promise I won’t look.”

“Alright, yeah.” Harry slowly strips down to his socks and briefs, hesitating before sliding in behind Louis. He reaches to click the lamp off. The floor and the end of the bed is lit up from the streetlamp outside, casting a soft glow over the rest of the room.

It’s already warm under the covers thanks to Louis’ body heat, and it isn’t long before Harry is able to settle comfortably. Well, as comfortably as he can. Knowing that Louis is in bed with him, but on the other side and at least ten inches away, sends Harry’s head into a frenzy. Does Louis not want to cuddle? Is he more relaxed sleeping on his own side of the bed when sharing?

Not that that’s his side of the bed. Harry usually sprawls out everywhere he can, but he’s happy how he is, would be happier if Louis at least held his hand. But that is definitely not Louis’ side of the bed.

Louis’ arm comes around his waist, but he doesn’t move any closer. The contact is nice, but Harry’s not too sure if he’s comfortable with beings pressed against Louis. Not yet, anyways. Maybe later on, if Louis proves that he really does like Harry won’t ditch him anytime soon.

Harry’s brain seems to slow down it’s frantic thoughts, everything is silent except for their breathing, and Harry says, “Goodnight,” after lacing his fingers through Louis’.

-

He’s not too sure of the moment when he became aware of his surroundings, probably a little bit ago, but he’s completely awake now. Sunlight is shining bright through the window and he’s sweating from how hot it is in the room.

Maybe that has to do with the fact that sometime in the night he and Louis switched places, Louis now being the one to face the window with Harry pressed tight behind him, arms and fingers tangled through Louis’ and ankles tangled at the other end. Which is also part of the reason why he’s fully awake now, instead of half asleep and inhaling the scent of Louis’ hair stuck in his face.

The other reason, the big reason, why he’s wide awake and sort of scared, is because he’s fully hard and the way Louis’ arse is pressed right back against his, rocking in this slow kind of way that sends shivers up Harry’s spine, is fogging his brain.

The thing is, Harry doesn’t know if Louis is asleep or not, and he remembers that he forgot to sneak away last night and call Zayn.

Too late for that now. He and Louis are already in a very… compromising position, and when he lifts his head just a few inches, he can see the way Louis’ tenting the front of the night pants. Sometime in the night, probably when they switched around, Louis lost his shirt and the covers were kicked down to the end of the bed.

Harry’s never really been a heavy sleeper, but he feels well rested and he knows that was one of the best sleeps he’s had in the longest time. Even when Zayn was away and he and Perrie fell asleep on their big, comfy bead, he hadn’t slept as well as he just did.

But that’s nothing to be concerned about right now. What Harry should be, and is, concerned about is how Louis’ is rocking back against him so wonderfully, and the bad side of Harry’s brain is almost overpowering the good side and Harry is so close to giving in, to not waking Louis up and letting this go on.

He really shouldn’t, and Harry knows this. But it’s not like they're on a date or anything. Their date was last night. Harry didn’t even clean up after, which means their dirty plates and wine glasses are still sitting out, and the wine’s probably gone warm.

Ew. Warm wine. He’ll have to put it in the fridge as soon as possible.

Not now, though, because Louis’ hips are getting faster and jerkier, and fuck it. It’s not considered wrong if he gets off with the boy he’s ‘dating’ if they’re aren’t on a date, right? Well, it shouldn’t be.

Fuck if he’s going to stop Louis now. Harry’s not easy, not at all, but it’s been so long since he’s done anything with anyone else, especially with someone who has the most perfect bum in the world, that Harry already feels like he could cream his pants if Louis keeps this up. He hasn’t came in his pants in… years, and he sort of feels like a teenager again.

Oh well. Harry almost whines from how good this feels, but he clamps his mouth shut, biting his bottom lip and burying his face in Louis’ hair. It smells wonderful, and Harry squeezes his fingers tight around the one hand of Louis’ that is still accounted for.

Harry can’t bring himself to think too long about where Louis’ other hand might be, nor can he lift his face from the nape of Louis’ neck. What he does do is bite his lip so hard it starts to hurt more than it should, and his hips jump forward on their own accord at the same time Louis’ grinds his back.

“Oh,” he whispers, the bubbling deep in his groin growing and growing. His thighs clench together and he can’t help the way his hips rock forward again, once, twice, until he’s scrambling for purchase on Louis’ hips, coughing back a deep groan. Harry’s cock pulses slow and wonderfully, his body shaking and thighs trembling from the force of his orgasm.

The exact moment Louis wakes up, Harry can tell, is when his body jerks too, a low gasp filling the otherwise silent room. His arse digs back against Harry’s sensitive and still half-hard cock, and Harry lifts his head to see Louis’ unaccounted for hand is stuffed down the front of the night pants.

They’re both breathing hard and Harry is surprised to find that he doesn’t regret a thing. He’s happy and sated and sort of wants to rest here in bed for the rest of the day.

After they clean up first. Dried come isn’t something Harry likes to wash out of his pubes.

Neither say anything until after Harry’s phone buzzes on the table. Louis reaches out for it, since it’s on his side, and hands it back to Harry without turning around. Harry takes it and unlocks it, staying as close to Louis as possible. It’s morning and he’s tired and he just came his brains out so sue him for being a bit clingy. He gets cold after he comes too, so there’s that.

It’s a text from his boss saying he doesn’t have to come in to work, that the shop is closed for the day, and then another from Perrie earlier that morning saying Louis better not have killed him and that they don’t have to go into work either.

“Perrie says you’ve got work off today…” Harry whispers as he leans over Louis to put his phone back. When he settles back, Louis rolls so he’s on his back, bringing his arm around Harry’s shoulder and pulling him close. “Good morning.”

“Hi,” Louis replies into Harry’s curls. Harry is cold, wishes he could bring the covers back up around them. He also wishes it weren’t so obvious that he came in his briefs. “I’m…” Louis sighs. “Sorry. About that. I… fuck, I was asleep, yeah? Wasn’t trying to force myself on you or something.”

Harry’s not upset. Far from it. He’s glad they did what they did, because he feels closer to Louis now, and the fact that Louis hasn’t pushed him away yet has Harry giddy.

“I’m not upset,” Harry finally says, taking a deep breath and planting a kiss to Louis’ shoulder. “I… I liked it. A lot.”

“And you aren’t going to kick me out, right?”

“Why would I do that?” Harry pulls away to look Louis in the eyes, eyebrows drawn in confusion for a full two seconds before he bites his lip and smiles. Louis’ flushed and his lip is bitten raw too. “I told you, I’m not upset. A bit surprised, but I know you weren’t doing it on purpose.”

Louis still looks a bit worried. “It wasn’t an accident either,” he says, rubs Harry’s arm in a soothing manner. “Nothing with you is ever an accident, especially not something like this, so please don’t think of it that way.”

“I…” Wow, that was deep. And very sincere and honest… and Harry believes him. No matter how many times he’s been called an accident by his last two boyfriends, no matter how many times he’s stayed up at night thinking he was an accident, Harry believes Louis when he says that Harry isn’t an accident. “Okay, yeah.”

Harry takes a deep breath, smiles genuinely, and pulls Louis down for a brief, but soft and lovely, kiss, before saying they should go clean up so he can make breakfast.

-

After Harry takes his turn in the shower first, he makes his way into the kitchen and starts on some oatmeal and tea. There’s even more snow now, and it looks like the streets were plowed but got covered again. The rest of the flat is a little chilly, so while the tea is simmering, Harry turns the thermometer up just a few degrees.

Louis sidles up beside him right when the oatmeal is done on the stove, looking warm in the clothes Harry let him borrow. The towel is wrapped around his hair and he looks ridiculous, but Harry still smiles at him and leans into the hand at the small of his back.

He’s still waiting for it to get weird, like it always does whenever he’s with someone like he just was an hour ago with Louis. It happened with his last two boyfriends, and so he’s sure it’ll happen with Louis.

It never does, is the thing. They sit at the island and eat in silence, which should make it even weirder, but Harry is comfortable having Louis’ gaze on him half the time. He wonders when everything shifted from him worrying and being nervous about every little thing, to this, right now. There’s nothing to be worried about.

It’s been so long since Harry hasn’t been anxious about anything around him. The feeling is so wonderful Harry never wants to let it go.

Harry’s startled when Louis throws the towel on the floor and turns his stool so he’s facing Harry. Harry’s done too so he turns too, his knees coming to rest between Louis’ spread thighs. They’re so close like this that Harry isn’t even surprised when Louis brings his hands up to tangle in Harry’s curls and kisses him.

What does surprise him, though, is what Louis asks after. “Can we talk?”

“Y-yeah,” Harry sinks back a little, lets Louis take his hands, and tries to push all bad thoughts away. They’re just talking, right?

“I really like you, yeah? And I know you like me too, but I also know that you’re… very hesitant about some things, especially relationship wise, and I just want to know what it would take for you to be my boyfriend.”

Harry’s gaze drops to their hands. Wow. He didn’t think the term ‘boyfriend’ would be brought up anytime soon. He kind of wishes it wasn’t because that would mean telling Louis why he’s so nervous about them, and Harry doesn’t think he’s quite ready for that yet.

He’ll have to do it sometime, though, right? Especially if Louis really is going to try his hardest to win Harry over.

“I just – ”

“Zayn said,” Louis interrupts, “that the men you’ve been with in the past weren’t the nicest too you, but he wouldn’t say anymore. Just that I had to hear it from you because it wasn’t his place to tell.”

 _Fuck it_ , Harry thinks, just like he did earlier when he gave in to Louis’ pleasure.

“That’s exactly right.” Harry takes a deep breath, refusing to look at Louis as he starts. “The two men I’ve been with in the past were jerks. They were nice to me at first, wonderful and caring, but after they got me into bed they both sort of seemed to change. That was all they wanted, all the time. Every once in a while they would take me out and buy me dinner or a movie, but they expected me to offer my arse up right away when we got back. And all the time I would cook for them and sing for them and be nothing but the nicest I could be, hoping they’d see how much I trusted them and needed them.”

Harry can feel his lungs constricting in his chest, his stomach tightening, brain swirling. Fuck, he’s messed up and he knows it, but there’s nothing he can do about it now.

“Eventually they both decided that I was too much, that I was holding them back from the ‘real world’  or whatever with my clinginess and messed up mind, and they both left without so much as a talk. One night, with my first boyfriend, I made this huge dinner and after, I rode the living hell out of the guy, which I’d never done before. I was too tired to say it that night, that I loved him because I really thought that I did; we’d been together for a year. But he was gone in the morning, and a week later came back for all of his stuff. Almost the same exact thing happened with my second boyfriend.”

Harry really, really hopes Louis doesn’t… he doesn’t know, actually. Any reaction from Louis would be better than the silence that follows, but at the same time it’s better than Louis maybe realizing that Harry is messed up and needs help and that Louis isn’t the help he needs.

Harry gets it, he does. He has baggage and that’s never a good thing.

But. Fuck if he’s going to let Louis push him away like the other two did. If Louis shows any signs of wanting to leave, Harry will push him away first, kick him out and refuse to ever talk to him again. It won’t hurt as much if he does the breaking.

“Babe,” comes Louis’ voice, quiet and sad. Harry winces, hiccups when Louis hops off his stool, steps into the space between Harry’s thighs, and wraps around him so tight it almost hurts. When he talks again, his lips are right next to Harry’s ear. “You’re not. I don’t think you’re messed up and I’m not going to expect a fuck every day. Jesus, Harry, they were arseholes. I promise I won’t leave you because of that. You’re not – ”

“But I am,” Harry insists. He pulls Louis away and finally looks right at him, hoping Louis will hurry up and see it now, that he’ll understand and leave now instead of later. “I was messed up before them already. My childhood wasn’t the best. Mum was always at work so I was with dad all the time, and then when he left, I had no one. My sister was always out with her friends and mum was at work. And… when he was around, he always looked at me with a disappointed look and called me an accident, always said that I was supposed to be a girl not a boy. Fuck.

“And then I grew up and the other guys in my life said the same things to me and that’s why I’m always so nervous. I can’t – I don’t think I’d be able to handle you or anyone else doing the same. I don’t know how I’d be able to get through it, because I won’t put that on Perrie and Zayn anymore. I’m not going to bother them with my problems anymore than I already have ‘cause then I’d be holding them back too and – ”

“Harry,” Louis cuts him off, deep frown on his face. Harry finally looks up and winces because did he really just say all that? Not even Zayn knows about how his dad treated him before he left. No one knows, not his sister, not his mum, no one. They don’t know because he always treated Harry perfectly when they were around.

But. Now Louis knows. What’s he going to do? What’s he going to say?

Harry sits quietly, keeping eye contact with Louis even though he wants to run to his bedroom and lock the door and cry alone for the rest of his life.

“I don’t think you’re messed up, nor do I think you’re clingy or holding me back. I like you for who you are, and I’m not going to change my mind about that because you didn’t have the best childhood. I want you to be my boyfriend. I want to show you off to all my friends and to everybody at work and I want to be seen with you in the tabloids if me and Liam do get famous, alright?”

Nodding, Harry sniffles, but doesn’t say anything.

Louis does. “I want to hold your hand in public and text you until you fall asleep and if Liam ends up going on tour, I’ll Skype you every night. I don’t think you’re an accident, I don’t think you’re weird for wearing girl knickers because you want to, and I really want you to be my boyfriend.”

“Really?” Harry hiccups.

“Yes,” Louis nods, and Harry buries his face in Louis’ neck in a hug. “Yes, really,” Louis continues. “You’ve got the loveliest eyes and a wonderful voice and I think it’s cute how shy you are. I love your laugh. I’m gonna show up at the CD shop you work at every morning and give you the biggest hugs, and you won’t have to worry about me leaving because _I won’t_.”

A squeal has both of them turning their heads and, oh. There’s Harry’s roommates and best friends, standing in the doorway of the kitchen and looking like the happiest people in the world.

“How much did you hear?” Harry is quick to ask. He really hopes Perrie and Zayn didn’t hear the part about his dad. He’ll have some explaining to do if they did.

“We walked in when Louis said you’ve got the loveliest eyes,” Zayn says.

Whew, that was close.

“Thought the roads were covered?”

“We drove in right behind the snowplow,” Perrie explains to Louis.

“Right… Well, I’m glad you’re back, but… I think I’m gonna go to my room.” Louis’ hand grabs his before he’s able to walk away, and Harry nods. “Yeah, you too. But… could you give us some privacy?” He looks right at Perrie and rolls his eyes when she sighs.

Crossing her arms, she loudly huffs, “Fine, I’ll stay in the living room.”

“But you’re telling us as soon as you come out,” Zayn says sternly, pointing at both Harry and Louis before he pulls Perrie aside so they can walk out.

Once in the bedroom, Harry falls back on his bed and groans quietly into his hands. The door clicks shut and a moment later, Louis is sitting next to Harry, but he keeps his distance, only letting a hand rest on Harry’s stomach.

“I just. I need some time,” Harry says through the small gap between his palms, not daring to look up. “I like you too, obviously. But this is hard for me and… I can’t just say yes right away.”

“Of course.” Louis’ always been so understanding. Harry wonders what he ever did to deserve someone so wonderful like him. “However much time you need,” Louis whispers, tangling his fingers in Harry’s shirt, knuckles digging into his stomach so nicely.

“Thank you.”

“Always. But you have to promise you’ll tell me right away when you finally decide. I don’t want to be left hanging.” Louis' sparkling eyes and hopeful smile are all that Harry needs to know the answer to that.

“You won’t be,” Harry promises right away, and he plans on keeping that promise.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm here on [Tumblr](http://stylinsmutreblog.tumblr.com/). Bonnie and I's fic reccing blog is [here](http://versatilelarrylibrary.tumblr.com/), called _**Versatile** Larry Library_ for a reason. BYEEE AND THANKS FOR READING <3 XX


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